I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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