I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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