i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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