He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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