You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
