I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
