Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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