I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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