The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
