Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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