Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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