So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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