Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
