You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
