btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
