Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
