I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
