i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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