I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
