Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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