Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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