You made me cry and you don't even care
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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