Just cropdusted the office
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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