My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
