I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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