do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
