return my video game
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
