I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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