I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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