He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
