hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
