What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
