i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
