Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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