I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
