Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
