So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize