It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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