I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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