I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
