You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
