Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
