When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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