i just google imaged poop.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
