Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
