batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
