i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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