just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
How external is "for external use only"?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
