well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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