Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
How external is "for external use only"?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
