Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
