Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
