Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
