Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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