Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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