How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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