I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
