Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
