Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize