i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
