i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
