He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
