Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
