You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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