we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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