Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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